During a network conversation about profiling in my work as a coach, the term coming out came up. And then in a different meaning than the usual meaning of coming out as a homosexual or lesbian woman.
A relationship therapist who becomes visible with sexuality in relationships
My network contact told me that as a relationship therapist she also focuses on sexuality within a relationship. Something that many relationship therapists do not (yet) do.
She explained how she approached that profiling, namely by initially liking or sharing articles in this area on her social media channels. She also became a member of groups in this field and explicitly stated on her own website that she also specializes in sexuality in a relationship.
She had to cross a threshold for this, she found it exciting to show herself and become visible in this area. In other words, she had a coming out. The result for her was that as a relationship therapist she distinguished herself from other relationship therapists. She got other customers because of this, customers who are looking for this.
A woman who becomes visible in her femininity
Another example is a friend who said she started wearing dresses to work. She had them in the house, but wore them sporadically. She says about this: “The reason was a wedding where the dress code was tenue de ville (meaning: neat clothing) and so I couldn’t go in my trusted jeans.
I looked in my closet and there were all those dresses that I had once bought and then hardly worn. Before the wedding, I decided to start wearing them to work too, a different one every day. I found it quite exciting at first, but I used the reactions of others to broaden my comfort zone.
Slowly the image of myself changed from tough and strong, to that I am also feminine and soft. The enthusiastic reactions from colleagues helped me enormously with this.”
My coming out that I like women
I had my own coming out at the age of 27, when I got into a relationship with a woman and told my environment about this. In my case, no one was really surprised and I often received positive reactions. It’s no longer an issue for me either.
The effect of a coming out
With a coming out, which literally means: coming out openly for something, you become visible in something you previously kept hidden. Often it works like this, that once you have crossed the threshold to openness, it is also done. It is integrated and no longer has a charge for you and no longer evokes tension in you. That which belongs to you, may now also be completely yours.
The advantage of coming out is that you become more visible and your inside and outside coincide more, so you become more whole and authentic.
Often a coming out also strengthens and nourishes your process, since you then attract people and situations that resonate with it, making the new piece bigger and making you feel even more confident in it.